Raped? Get Ready for Lie Detector Tests.

The Ministry of Confused Affairs
Road Side Cafe a ala Carte

To All Citizens, Wayfarers and Tourists

In view of situations prevailing in India, it is Advised that You Avoid getting Raped. And If, after getting Raped, You think it will help causes to Report it, Forget it. And, Not that You will Lie and get Detected, but be ready to face Polygraph tests.

Here is What You will be facing:

Endless, and We mean Endless, Questionings. The Questions will be detailed. You will have to answer to the Address, the Size of the Room, Whether it was a King sized bed or a Queen sized one, Whether there was a Ceiling Fan, Was it On, Whether the Lights were On, How many lights were there, Whether You Shouted, At What Volume, And Especially, The Exact Spots where Your Assailant(s) touched You, the Number of Times, and Whatever else they can Think Of.

Please Be Careful. If Once You said it was 3 cms above the Knee, and the next time You say 4 cms, be prepared for 6 years of Jail. It will called Awaiting Trial. You will Lucky if You get out. …If You have Lots of Money, many lawyers may approach You to represent You. But it will not help.



They will take Lie Detector Tests. We are showing You the machine so that You do not faint the first time You see it.

The test is done by administrative (previously called government) agencies, whose personnel (as All government SERVANTS in offices) are Required by law to leave their So-called Brains at home before starting for Work. After reaching Work premises, they await the orders of the current regime. The work of government SERVANTS is to do the Least bit of Work, Agitate for greater salaries and benefits, and speak for the administration, etc. It is very hard work.

Altogether, it is Best to Avoid getting Raped. Or else, face Lie Detector tests. Even Your Family Members will have to go through these Polygraph tests.* Our Own ministry, due to lack of Luxury Aircraft, will not be able to reach out to help You. We are Warning You, You will be On Your Own, On Your Own, On Your Own. Don’t say We didn’t let You know.


* Refer to case where 2 Minors were Raped and Hung on a Tree:


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