Category Archives: Parenting

Loving means Losing Something!

When I was in my Teens, one of my Really Rich Uncles presented me with Two Pairs of Shoes. His Old, Used ones. Not these ones, Please.

old shoes

www.portfolios.net

We would All like to Love. We Say that we Love. But if our Loving is going be from the Comfort of our Armchair, from our Leftovers, like giving somebody the ‘Second’ cup of tea from the Sachet, of what Grade is that love?!

That was what cain had done. God did not ask for it, but cain said: “Oh, You want an offering? Here, take this, You can have it.”

cain abel offering

www.worldwidechristiannetwork.org

About Abel’s gifts, the Bible says, clearly: ‘…the First Lamb born to one of his sheep, …and gave the Best Parts as an Offering.’ (Genesis 4:4). It is offering something, versus Offering The Best. What are We Offering? For Our Own Children? For their Future?

People post pictures of their Outings, their Holiday Trips, of the things they ate (and drank) at their parties, and, at most, Copy and Paste some ‘holy things.’ Facebook is Full of pictures saying: ‘Say Amen if You love Jesus,’ or, ‘Say Amen if You Pray for the Hungry.’ Too Cheap.

What have We done about, let us say, the Water Situation for Our Children? Our Children’s Future involves So many Aspects. Have We at least Spoken Out? Or have We left it in the hands of the Nincompoops? You know what I mean.

Loving is Not Easy. When Winning means giving that Extra bit, can Loving be Different? About Giving, Mother Teresa had said, ‘Unless it Hurts You, You have Not Given.’

mother teresa smiling

www.takacslearningcenter.com

We might be losing out a little on Our Spare Time, Our Comfort, Our Luxuries and even some Bigger things. But True Loving Means That. Making Sacrifices for Our Dear Ones. The More the Love, the Bigger the Sacrifice.

‘You’re grown now’: Sex work in Samaná

What do You do when Society or the Family tells a 13 year old: “You’re not little anymore, you’re grown now.”
And then: ‘The 15-year-old was 13 when she told her parents she was pregnant. She was given three days to pack her things, leave the house and find her own way.’ In effect, Abandons her.
What I would do is, I would Spit on the Family and the Society.

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I had come across this post when I was searching for graphics of overgrown 8 year olds for my next article.

Documenting the Dominican Republic

Samaná, a cruise ship port town on the northeastern coast of the Dominican Republic, draws ­thousands of tourists to the island each year. Colorful sarongs, postcards, and Dominican paintings fill souvenir shops along the main road. The locals can lead you to authentic restaurants, idyllic beaches, and, if you can spare a few pesos, girls of all ages.

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“This place is a man’s paradise,” said one tourist. “These girls just love to have sex.”

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Berenice, Yolei and Chabeli – best friends, mothers and sex workers –  will do whatever it takes to feed their children. So in the town of Samaná, where job opportunities are limited, the three women sell their bodies for money.  

Jan. 6 was Dia de los Reyes, a national holiday for Dominicans. To celebrate, the girls packed their bags with bikinis, snacks and orange soda, and headed to the beach with their children.

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On the AAP, Tamil Nadu, Silence and 23,000 Volts!

A Compilation of my tweets this morning:

1. MUCH needs to be said about today’s India, particularly after the recent elections. But now it has become ‘dangerous’ to speak out!

2. Am I afraid? YES. I would NOT go and touch a 23,000 volt cable. In my old age, hv 2 take care of my mother n another handicapped person.

3. I would have spoken out IF the AAP had been Strong and Active in TN. It is Sleeping, And National leaders are not worried about this.

Grandma

On Relationships. Just Superb! Kudos to the writer.

Erika Fuego

The last time I saw her she was distant. She was different. As if she suspected what we all didn’t. We thought she’d be around forever until she wasn’t. Her last breath ended her sadness, and with it brought on our suffering. Suddenly, missing her smothering. Missing her mothering. Her nurturing. Her laughing, her crying, her nagging, her cooking, her loving. Uncovering my selfishness, discovering my carelessness, wondering how I could have been so heartless. How could I of taken her for granted? I wish I could hold her one more time. Look her deep in her eyes and thank her for just being in my life. Thank her for all that she sacrificed. For the times she played with my hair at night. For all her wisdom and all of her light. Apologize for every time she compromised. For the times I fought back and watched her cry. For…

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Mama’s ‘Day and Night’ Care

I had wanted to write some things on ‘MOTHER’S DAY,’ though the day is Past at least for this year. While I was hesitating, Two things came together: A Visit from my Young GRANDDAUGHTER, with her little Son, and a movie I watched, named ‘DADDY DAY CARE.’

Yo dance n comp

This is my Favourite Granddaughter, Yoha, who is my neighbour’s daughter. In the first picture, We see her as she was just a few years ago, Dancing. In a scant few years, this Young Woman had become a Nurse.

Though She is Smiling in the picture, She had a really bad time in that profession, as do Most Nurses, who are Not employed with the Administration (previously called government). This last named group gets whopping salaries and plenty of benefits, even if they do not turn up for work! Many are the govt run Dispensaries and Medical Aid centres, which are not even open most of the month. But all this is another story.

Now this Beautiful Young Woman is the Mother of a Lively Young Boy, named Pradeesh. Here he is, right on my Bed!

Yoha had arrived at her Mother’s house, right next door, on the 10th of this month. (She lives with her husband near Trichy, and comes to her mother’s house once a month or so). So, though Pradeesh has seen me a number of times, it was Today, (the 16th), that he deigned to ‘Sit’ on my bed for a while. Otherwise, he wants Yoha to carry him All the time. He is at that Age, or something.

Yo Pradeesh

But let us Remember that being a Mother is not ‘posing’ with Your Child, and All Grins and Jolliness. As I had expected, Pradeesh started ‘Acting Up!’

Let me tell You, he is Quite a Handful! Children at this Stage of Life are a combination  of Leaping Deers, Racing Cars/Motorcycles, Rocket gone out of control, and Spiderman! (I had to say that!). Keeping them from Falling off, Injuring themselves, or Breaking things is a Full time job. Of course Indians do not believe in ‘Cribs.’ They call it ‘Too Constraining.’ I do wonder how many Countries use the ‘Crib.’

Anglers would Understand it if We compare a Child’s Twistings and Turnings to that of a hooked fish. But in the case of a fish, You do not have to worry whether he would fall out of Your hands or off the bed and injure himself.

Yo Pradeesh combo

What I want to show here is this: Children, once they Reach the Age of Crawling, to their School going days, Need Almost MINUTE BY MINUTE ATTENTION.

EVERY MOTHER TAKES CARE OF EACH OF HER CHILDREN IN SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES in this fashion, 24×7, and 60×24. The Mother is with the Child Most of the Time, and Most of that Time She is Taking Care of the Child.

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In DADDY DAY CARE, towards the End, the Cute little son of the hero says to his dad: ‘I would sell all my toys, so that You would not need to make money to buy them for me,’ or some such. He Wants his Dad to Be with him.

daddy-day-care b

http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20609141_452205,00.html

Now, my Dear Reader, my Male Readers, what would happen if You ask Your son: “If You would sell all Your toys, I would be with You all the time.” I do not think He would be ready for that.

How are We to Interpret that? That he does not Care for You? Or that he has not had the Experience of Your Extended Presence with him?

Now suppose You take a Week’s holiday and spend the time with Your Family, and then ask the same question, do You not think the Answer would be Radically different? He can make a Choice Only if he has Experienced Your Closeness.

Almost Each father seems to think that ‘providing’ for the family, loading-up the child with  Toys, even throwing in a supposedly ‘good’ education, etc, is enough. And Most father’s have neither the Idea, nor the thought of asking the Child’s opinion, on the matter.

And Pradeesh’ father, by the way, turned up to be with his family on Saturday, and Pradeesh so dominated his time, so wanted to be with his father, to be carried by him and all that, that he would not even let him have his tea.

…Most Dads would find it difficult Making Time for their Kids, and Here We are talking of Taking Care of the Children.

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The person being manhandled so Ignominiously, and being taken to jail, is one the world’s most dangerous criminals, responsible for about 60 thousand deaths! he is mexican drug baron guzman. Needless to say, he has loads of money.

guzman 60K deaths 833 pm

And below We see the same guzman with one of his sons. Even Criminals love their children. he too had thought that making money and dandling his son once in a while was enough. But was it?

guzman w son q

guzman’s money-making schemes landed him in a place which would make his spending Any Time with his children an Impossibility.

Of course Most fathers are Not as Radical as guzman in their money making methods. But We are not talking about the Money made, or the Way it is Made. We are Talking about Time Spent with the Family. And in this post, Time spent especially with the Children.

All this goes to Prove that Mama’s Day-and-Night Care is 24×7 Daddy Day Care.

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As I said,  I had wanted to write on Mother’s Day. Below We see a Man, a Taiwanese, en-route to taking his mother to the hospital. A picture that Gladdens our Hearts, and Lifts Up our Spirits. God Bless this Man, And His Mother.

Taiwan-filial-son-carrying-ill-mom-to-hospital

(This photograph, from the Internet, of course, has become famous, practically Viral.)

And this Teaches Us a Great Lesson: Love of One’s Mother is NOT posting a ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ card on the Internet. That is Not Real Love of One’s Mother.

There are Exceptions in Every case, of course.

But on the whole, Loving One’s Mother would mean Loving Her and Taking Care of Her when She has become Old and Dependent. Taking Care of Her when She is Demanding Too much of Our Time and Energy, When Her Forgetfulness makes Us Exasperated.

Taking Care of the Old is Not a ‘Pleasure.’ There is some Joy in taking care of little Children. Not so in the case of the Old!

Only the person who has faced these Challenges and come out Successful in them, or is Really Resolved to do so, can say he is Loving his Mother, and Rightfully wish his Mom a ‘Happy Mother’s Day,’ meaning that he is Thankful to Her for Her Great Services.

Our Mothers have given Us Extraordinary Day and Night Care. As well as Lifetime Support. And, in Most cases, they took Care of their Husbands in their last days! They deserve of Our Very Best Indeed.

What Separates the Men from the boys

This is Not about Males, or only for Males. It is more about Adults vs the Child. The Un-Grownups!

It takes Courage and Red Blood to Speak Out, to Say what is Necessary, When it is necessary. Even things like, ‘Do Not Eat So much Junk Food,’ ‘Enough of Television, Study More,’ etc, seem to be Beyond the Ken of Many ‘parents’ who have been able to give Birth to Children, but whom they either Do Not Know How to Bring Up, or Do Not have the Strength, the Gumption and the Guts to do so.

Nobody thinks of telling School Authorities: Give the Children More of Values; Go for a Different Curriculum, give Children lesser books to Carry, More Time to Play on the Ground, etc. Or to get it done at the Education ministry.

I would say this Difference between boy and Man is as Great as that between a Child with a Toy, Wooden Sword, and the Fat man, dropped on nagasaki. (Of course there must be greater horrors dreamed up by now).

fatman boy w sword

Image of replica of Fat man, from Wikipedia.

Image of Child with Sword: from http://builtbykids.com/how-to-make-a-wood-sword/

It is definitely Easier to send the Children to School at the Earliest Age, where and when Psychology tells us that the Child should have been with the Parent at least till the age of 6. Actually, going to Work outside is Easier than Taking Care of the Child at home!

It is Very Easy to Go Around as if Nothing is Wrong with the World, than to Pull Up one’s socks, Jump into the Fray, and Say, ‘Enough of Corruption!’

It is VERY Easy for the clergy and the ecclesiastical authorities to mouth platitudes, dish out what the ‘faithful’ Want to hear, and to go to their comforts.

It is Very Easy to create pages of holy stuff, simply by means of searching up verses from the Concordance. And these days, they do not even have to type it out! What with so many ‘net’ versions, it is just ‘Copy and Paste,’ even in such things.

The World is FULL of Ungrownups.

Wanted and Needed: People who will Put their Necks on the Block, Say things even if they are ‘UnFriended!’ and things like that. Well, NOBODY made Friends with the Prophets of Old, did they? But THEY are the Ones who made the Difference.

God is Not going to Ask us, ‘Were You a Man or a boy?’ He is simply going to go about His business of Judging. We have been given Enough Time, after all! Leave out God, Society has already Judged us. In the heart of heart, those with whom We mix everyday, though they too most probably are of the Same kind, Know what we Are!

BUT IT IS POSSIBLE FOR US TO CHANGE!

Happy Mother’s Day!

My Mother is Old and Bedridden now. But here is a picture of my Mother as I will Always Remember her. Picture taken by my Dad years ago, when they were both Young!

04 Mom e

Father’s are great. My Dad was a Truly Great Man. But fathers in general, Count the hours. they Frequently mention, ‘I have done so much,’ and this and that. fathers Never hesitate to say, ‘I am Tired.’

Mothers Never Count the Hours. They do not even Mind if Others Do Not Notice. Mothers are Great.

VG bird feeding

Picture from Twitter.

The picture does not really reflect Mother’s day. At least in the ‘Bird World,’ Father Birds work as Hard at feeding their young as the Mother Birds do. I put this picture just because I liked it.

Happy Mother’s Day to All Moms, remembered and unremembered, sung or unsung. Let us Wish Them Every Happiness.

Responsibilities

Stain on shirtImage: http://www.diylife.com/2010/05/20/home-ec-removing-dye-based-stains/

How many of Us would be Ready to Go Out with a Shirt Stained like this? There may not be much one could do if this had happened after having reached the place of work. But if We found this Stain as We were going Out? Would We go with this Shirt?

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In the Production of the ‘Nano,’ Tata’s little Family Car, the Owner of the company is reported to have paid attention to Every Detail of Design and Manufacture. We may be Sure that CEOs of All companies would pay the Same Attention to Detail.

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Can We say We are doing the Same with regard to the Various Issues of Life?

Do We pay the SAME Attention to the Eating, TV Watching, Friend’s circles, etc, of our Children, as We do to our Work?

Are We paying the SAME Attention to the Water Balance, the Ecology, the State of the Future of our Countries and the World, as We do to our Work?

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It is said that only about 50% of the population of India cast their Votes.

What is the percentage of the those who are Poorly Informed about the Real Worth of Candidates? Of Real Issues involved, the Corruption? Of those who Blindly vote along Caste lines and such?

Whose Duty is it to Inform, Educate and Prepare the Populace, whose Decisions Influence the Future of our Very Children? Are We to Ignore it because it is too Tiring, Hard, Unappreciated, even Criticized?

It might sound Crazy to even think that We Can Influence a Mass. But it Can be done. Michelangelo created his ‘David’ by just Chipping away, One Hit at a time. A Pond is created by Drops, as they say it in Hindi.

Are We paying Enough Attention to our Responsibilities?

We Need to get out of our Comfort Zones.

We. I. YOU.

Let us get down to it. As the ‘Nike’ company says, Let’s Just Do It.

Rape, Bulls, the Red Colour, and the Role of Women!

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Gender Disparity is a given thing. Male Arrogance, particularly in India, is one of the Reasons for the high number of Rapes. Woman, having Experienced Pain, should have started working at Correcting the Root Causes, Raising Her Son on a Par with the Daughters.

Bouncer Amandeep punjab

Twenty-two-year-old Amandeep Kaur, a newscaster by day and Bouncer by night, is a rarity in Punjab — a male-dominated society with a disproportionate number of men compared to women. Amandeep didn’t take no for an answer. …Image:

tressugar.com/Female-Bouncer-Crashing-India-Boys-Club-1725297

‘This’ is where I say:

WOMAN’S ENEMY IS …WOMAN! WOMEN DID NOT PUT THEIR FEET DOWN. THEY COULD AND SHOULD HAVE BEEN SEEDS OF CHANGE AT THE GRASS ROOT LEVEL, IN THE FAMILIES.

Much Change Could have been Effected. Much CAN be done. IT WOULD TAKE DECADES. But one has to start taking steps. And Women will have to do their part.

But till then, Gals, Beware! Remember the Bull’s attraction to the Red colour.

This is the fifth article in this series. To go to the first, Please click here. To go to the next post in this sequence, Please click here.

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