Category Archives: Sex

Whose Fault is It…

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The Question, as to Whose Fault it is When a Woman/Girl/Child gets Raped, is a Heart-wrenching one. …Came across these Very Frank words:

“What your wife, sister, daughter, or any other woman you care for is not telling you is that at least once in her life, She has been groped, pinched, touched without her choosing to ask explicitly for it. If she is lucky, it has happened only once or twice. If not, it has happened to her with an alarming rate of at least twice a day every day that she has stepped out of her home and sometimes inside her home.”

[Reference below. My thoughts on these make it into a regular post by itself, so am not re-blogging it.]

While I whole heartedly Agree with Shweta, the author, with those words above, I Differ from her and from Many, on Many points. Please do Not think that I intend to criticise Shweta. It is the General Mis-Conceptions that I want to address. Her words come very useful as quotes of the Prevailing mentality.

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THE BREASTS

She has written under ‘It’s shameful,’ that she had been told to keep her Breasts covered. From this Shweta has Mis-Understood that she, and All Women, are supposed to be Ashamed of their Breasts. Maybe Many Women think this way too.

At this point, let me share two Incidents.

1. Once, Many years ago indeed, when I was visiting the Villagers as their Parish Priest, accompanied by our Catechist, We had called out, been invited to enter, and found the Woman of the house pounding rice or something. As it was Sweaty business, she had left her Breasts Uncovered. There was Nothing Un-Usual in this. In that region, that was how things were.

Neither She nor my Catechist had been perturbed by that. But I, a young man at that time, had the hardest time trying NOT to stare! (She became aware of this and covered herself).

Point: Breasts are Nothing to be Ashamed about. ‘Somebody’ might have a difficulty, but the Breasts were not the Cause. The Catechist, in this case, the Woman herself, or the Thousands of Villagers who live/lived like that, did not have any difficulty. It is how Anybody ‘Takes’ different things.

2. In this second incident, which had happened Years earlier, when I had been in the Indian Railways, I had noticed a policeman poking at a Woman sleeping on the Railway platform and went a bit closer to look. She was a Labourer by the look of things, and was in deep sleep. Her Breasts were partially exposed, and the policeman was toying with them with his long baton, known as the ‘Lathi.’ Not satisfied with that, he pushed the end of his Lathi at her Crotch, at which she turned over, and I had also approached a little too close for the comfort of the policeman, he simply sauntered away.

Point: Breasts are Nothing to be Ashamed about. If anything, they are Beautiful. And they Attract the Male’s Attention. As do Other Sexual Organs of the Female. We have to Remember that the Sexual parts of the Male Attract the Female’s attention too! But there is Nothing to be Ashamed about, Nor Anything Faulty in all this.

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Men’s Looks, Attention and Mind simply ‘Go‘ towards the Woman’s Body and Body parts. And-the-Same-is-True-with-Women.

To Deny the above would be Hypocritical and Dis-Honest. It is Absolutely Normal for a Man to have an Erection in the presence of an Attractive Woman, and for the Woman to have Corresponding stirring in similar circumstances. [This is what We deny! That it works both ways.]

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Ok, next question: Whose fault is that?! …….I shall ask You some other queries, and then YOU can give the answer to the first one in this para.

Sun flower

  • The Sunflower keeps turning towards the Sun. Whose fault is it, the Sun’s or the Flower’s? (Image courtesy: rsc.org)
  • The South pole of the Magnet is attracted To and By the North one. It is Not just an attraction; if unhindered, the two would meet, with violence! Ok, Whose fault is it?
  • Sodium, in coming into contact with Water, bursts into flame. Whose fault in this one? I could go on and on, could I not? 🙂

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Man Will be Attracted towards the Woman and Her Body, and Vice Versa. That is Nobody’s fault, and there is Nothing Wrong in it.

Woman, in these cases, stops herself with ‘Drinking him in with her eyes,’ if that. The Problem arises when We find at least Some men taking what We can call ‘liberties,’ or even going far beyond it.

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Let us go back to our original question. The Answer to that is that the Fault lies in Improper Upbringing.

Mothers, most of the time, Stop with telling their daughters to ‘Cover their Breasts.’ (St. Paul told them to Cover their Heads, an Euphemism for the same thing, and what trouble that landed him in!). We cannot blame the Mothers for not having taught their Daughters better. Communication is Not an Easy skill. Think of Dad’s trying to teach their Sons about the Birds and the Bees!

MOTHERS Failed, Through the Ages, to teach their Daughters that:

There Are, and Will be, at least Some men who will Not hold themselves back; And that These sorts of men Will attack.

Every railway station, bus stand and such Will have their Share of Pickpockets. Similarly,

Every Society Will have its Lechers and Low-Life.

They will be Just a few, but they Will be there. And they Will be the ones to Cause the Trouble. Just as We Guard Ourselves against Pickpockets, so too must We protect Ourselves from Giving Chances to these Low-Lives.

And MEN will attack, as they come out with No Burden after the incident. Taking the Geographical conditions of India, pregnancies can occur with Just One act. But it will be the Woman who will be carrying the Child. Thus We see that SOME men, IF they get the chance, WILL force themselves on any Woman they can; whether she is 90 or just 5 years old.

PARENTS, and SOCIETY  on the whole, Failed…

We have to Examine whether We have Told our Young Men, Often enough, Repeatedlyenough, Strongly Enough and Insistently enough. that they, being the Physically Stronger sex, have a Duty to Protect Weak, Women and Girls primarily among them.

The JUDICIAL SYSTEM has Failed…

If You are Sailing, and You find a Hole in Your Boat, You Plug it, Immediately. You don’t take 18 years to do that.

I find what I call the Judicial System, consisting of the Judges, the Law Books and What Not, as a Failure. From the Godhra case to jayalalitha’s amassing Disproportionate wealth, from the 71 year old Nun Gang raped in West Bengal to the Honest Collector Killed in Karnataka, from Civil cases to the Criminal, all these and more have just Made me Lose my Faith in the Judicial System.

We Ask Who is at Fault. All the above are at Fault. We are at Fault.

AND THEY WILL CHANGE ONLY IF WE TAKE THEM UP AND SHAKE THEM UP. 

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  • If I go about with my Wallet showing, and Easy to Pick, Can I Blame the Pickpocket? He has his ‘Weakness,’ which is Trying to Earn a Living the Easy Way.
  • If I failed to Lock the Windows at Night, can I blame the Thief for his entry into my house? Is it Not My fault?
  • In Chess, Boxing or any Other Sport, if an ‘Opening’ is given to the Opponent, Are We going to find fault with him?
  • If I leave Expensive Items in my Car, Leave the Door Open, and Leave the Keys in the Ignition, WITH a big notice saying: “Thieves and Such are NOT to take any of these things,” AND expect that that would happen, it Simply means that I am a Mental Case.

In a country like India where a mere Smile means a Come On, To go out in All sorts of Funny (read Sexy) dresses aping the West, WILL BE TAKEN AS AN INVITATION. Young People in particular should know National Cultures, too.

The Sexual Attraction that the Male and the Female have, is something built in, a Natural. We cannot go around finding Fault with these things. But it IS My Fault if I do not protect my Money, Reasonably Enough, from Pickpockets around me.

Wallet

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Reference to Shweta’s article:

homeofanomad.wordpress.com/2015/03/09/what-your-wife-sister-daughter-or-any-other-woman-you-care-for-is-not-telling-you-and-what-does-she-want-to-hear/

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What to give up for Lent?

Having seen What Lent is, I give You some Very Sweet Answers to Questions like ‘What to give up for lent,’ etc. At the age of 67, with More than 40 of them spent in Serious Reflection, You would find my Answers Very Different, and See that They Make Sense!

First of all, Lent is Not about giving up a few Things.

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From the Time of our Lord Himself, we know that the Pharisees had ‘Observed the Sabbath’ “Meticulously.” [You will note that I have put the word Meticulously in double inverted commas. That should tell You something! These Pharisees had kept the Sabbath according to ‘their’ rules and standards, which Jesus saw through, had not found them up to the mark, and for which He berated them. But that is another story.]

To continue, besides this regular observation of the Sabbath, the Pharisees had Fasted Much, had given 10% of their Earnings to the Temple, (Calculate that! 10% is a Goodly amount!), and spent much time in studying the Scripture, (again, after their ‘own’ way, of course).

Let us Stay with the Pharisees. In spite of these their way of life, We Know that our Lord was Not Impressed with them. He had chastised them time and again. Matthew allots practically the whole of his 23rd chapter in Condemnation of the Hypocrisy of the Pharisees.

So Holiness or Advancement in Spirituality is Not about Giving up things, Nor Taking up things like Fasts and such!

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A very famous retreat centre in India calls for its participants to give up smoking and drinking as practically the steps to be followed in that place. But there was Not Enough of an Emphasis on A ‘Change of Heart’ there. And the results are Not all that they could have been.

Then We have the Famous examples of Giving up Chocolates.

External changes like these can bring about, at most, External changes in their turn, like a little Better health due to giving up smoking, or a Slimmer body due to lesser Carbs.

It is like removing a Glob of dirt from the Wind shield, or Filling up the Tyres, both of which are Useful, by the way, – While the Engine is Smoking! Most probably You would be left standing on the spot in spite of the Wind shield having become clearer, and the Tyres having had their fill.

We have to Address the Root of Problems, and Take Care of Basics first. Giving up a few things for Lent is Not of Much Use!

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Only Surface level Preachings on Lent are being presented. Before We go further, We have to see How Repugnant even this sort of Lent is taken to be, at least in some circles.

The goodly people of the South Americas, Pope Francis’ own soil, So dread Lent, that they ‘Top themselves Up Full Well’ before beginning this Religious exercise. As under: A mere glimpse of the ill-famed ‘Carnivals.’

South American Carnivals

This is a good example of what happens when Attention is Diverted to what to give up for Lent, etc. This sort of mentality seems to create a Fear, as the Carnival evinces. For all that, the Carnival is more than a bit of Debauchery. And it Astonishes me that the so called Leaders of the church have nothing to say about it. As You know, the picture I have given is one of the more Modest ones! Well.

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Here are things I say You Need NOT give Up!

Let me put it in another way: Do Not Over Fast. You are Not in a Competition of Fasting. And Do not do it because ‘Jones’ is doing it.

In this regard, an Anecdote from the life of St. Don Bosco. One night the devil came and took the good Priest on a round of their institution. The devil wanted to show him Where-all he was succeeding in gaining his victories. One of the places they visited was the Dining hall. The Saint was astonished, and asked the devil how People could be sinning there. The devil simply said that he invited people either to eat too much or too little. In Both cases they ended up Not being able to do what they were supposed to be doing!

Making my list a short one: You Need Not Give Up Sex! As I have shown earlier, The Real purpose of Lent is to become ‘Other Centric,’ — Concerned, Caring and Loving Human Beings. …You cannot take these my words as License for All-out Orgies of the Flesh. Always remember that All Efforts at Self Control go in Your favour and Your Advancement.

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FOR LENT, DO GIVE UP:

APATHY, WASTE, The UNNECESSARY, and LETHARGY.

The One, and thus the Most Important commandment being that We Love, the Greatest Sin is its Opposite: Apathy! Apathy is Mankind’s Greatest Sin! The Human Race – and that Includes our Religious Leaders, – Simply does not Care!

I give You below a piece of ‘Rangoli,’ as it is known in North India, and ‘Kolam’ in the South. Let us call it an Artwork made on the ground using coloured powders.

Kolam/Rangoli

Below is the House of the Young Girl who made that for us. It is the Thatched house.

Gomati's house a

But Scant months ago, This is what it had looked like, as in the photograph below.  The family, consisting of Five members, had been living in this for more than Six months before it got repaired.

Gomati's house b

And Below is How Christians of a certain parish (Not that they were too different from Others) celebrated Christmas.

N'coil Christmas

Many say: Why  do You care if They want to Spend. But I Know that the Watchman in the church shown here is paid a measly rs. 3,000 a month. On the Other hand, Rs. 2,50,000 might have been spent on electrical lights, flowers, the sound system and crackers, in One night, to ‘celebrate’ the Birth of One who chose to be born on Hay.

IF the Watchman, and Other Staff had been paid Equitable and Living Wages, (they are ‘Church’ staff, after all!), and IF this little girl’s house, and those like hers, had been repaired by these ‘Holy’ Christians, would I not have kept my mouth shut? As it is, Observing these sorts of In-Equalities and Opposites, I have a Pain in my Stomach. And shall We say God Alone Knows What HE is Thinking?

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And So, for Lent, Do let us give up

APATHY, WASTE, The UNNECESSARY, and LETHARGY.

Only Girls do that?

Do Only Girls do that? Bring Bad Name to their Families and Communities, that is?

In India, it is held that a serious misdeed ‘Cuts the Nose of the Person, the Family and the Village.’ This Cutting of the Nose Need Not be Physical. ‘Cutting the Nose’ implies Great Insult. We have the ‘Most Known’ incident of this in the Ramayana, that of Soorpnakaha, image below from the Internet.

Soorpanaka ee

Very artistic, if not Realistic. For picture of a Real happening, Image below.

Girl w cut nose

Image from: facthai.wordpress.com

This girl is looking at the camera with Defiance, and seems to have got over the pain, and more than that, the Shame She Suffered. My Sympathies for her.

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Misdeeds, particularly of the Sexual kind, and again Particularly by Girls, are supposed to bring the Greatest Dishonour to the Family.

There are those who Loot the Country – aka Politicians, Those who make a Mockery of Justice – aka Judges, and Those who Should Speak out, but Don’t – aka Religious Leaders. I hold it that is a Sad, Bad and Horrible thing that those enumerated in this little paragraph are Not supposed to be Cutting the Nose of their Communities.

But Girls who get caught in their Sexual Misdemeanour’s, Are supposed to be bringing Insult to themselves and their families. I deliberately say ‘Get Caught,’ because all this ‘Cutting the Nose’ is attributed to them Only when their Bellies begin to Swell. Poor things. Nature itself conspires against them. Because, how-many-ever Mis-deeds a ‘Boy’ commits in this regard, his stomach does not swell.

Indian Society makes a Goodly Song and Dance about this. Girls ‘Cutting the Nose’ is the Brunt of Advertisements! I found this in two instances, which is High.

There is an ad from the service provider ‘Birla,’ an Old and Revered name in India. It is for ‘IIN’ (Idea Internet Network), whereby one does not have to leave the house to learn. Fair enough and Innocent enough. But, to establish this point, they have used these words:

“Jo Lakshman rekha paar karegi, Saare Kul ki Naak Kataayegi.” [The Girl who crosses the Lakshman Rekha, (refer the Ramayana), will Cut the Nose of the Whole Community.] The words, ‘Muh mein Kaalikh,’ (Blackening the Face), another Simile with the Same meaning, are also used.

Idea haryanvi

Image above and below by Screen capture from Youtube.

The woman in the forefront had been explaining that a Girl going out of the House or Compound could bring Dishonour. And that that is why they are using IIN.

The second advert, by JSW Steel, while also using the same words and thoughts above, uses them in a Mocking way, showing that Girls going Out can also bring Honour to the Community, as has done Geeta Phogat, the Award Winning Girl Wrestler from Haryana.

Haryanvi Geeta Phogat JSW Steel

See HOW differently Indian Society holds and treats ‘Males.’ The picture below shows the man accused of Raping a Five year old Girl. Yet, let alone ‘Blackening’ his face, it is ‘Covered,’ to avoid him Shame.

rape accused of 5 yr old delhi

Picture from Internet.

[I Spit on the judicial-law-and-police system that does not Name, Show and Shame Low-Life like these.]

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It is a Great thing that Chastity is held in Such High regard in India. But it is Criminal to hold that Only the Girl brings Dishonour to Home and Community If She fails in this.

Each Mother and Father, and the Community should Hold and Teach their Male Offspring that He too would be Guilty of Shaming the Very Community in such Circumstances. And If Guilty, The Male Child too should be Shamed to the Same degree as the Female one.

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PS: A note on Haryana: This is a state in India where they talk Much about Girls cutting the Noses of their Families. I ask:

  • Are Haryanvi men DOGS, who would assault Any woman who steps out of her home?
  • Just How have the people of Haryana brought up their Males, who would not spare the Female members of their Own Community? Seems Haryanvi Men are Very Weak creatures.

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The Idea that (Only) Girls bring Dishonour to the Family is the Result of Very Bad Upbringing, and Very Bad Value Systems. Both these have to be seriously addressed and Changed.

Rape as a weapon

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This is third in a little series on Violence done to Christians in a place called KANDHAMAL in Odisha, India.

Please see also:

  1. Hindu Violence Rises in Orissa
  2. Violence and Clean Chits
  3. Rape as a weapon
  4. Kandhamal Unresolved – Docufilm, and
  5. Delhi Protest against anti-Christian attacks in Kandhamal 2008

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Rape has been used, as a Weapon, against Christians particularly in Kandhamal, as well as in Isolated incidents (see link 3), and by the Armies, including Ours, in the North East parts of Our Country.

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NewsGrab

While going through the latest ‘tale of two rapes’, I thought I should share my finding ‘Rape as a weapon’ andPregnant mothers and infants pay a heavy price’ (from my forthcoming international book on Kandhamal. The info may be shocking. But that is the sad reality of Kandhamal. Anto Akkara

Rape as a weapon

Sexual violence against women has been used as a weapon in areas of ethnic oppression and conflict. Kandhamal was no exception.

“There are several other reports of sexual assault and molestation and it is highly likely that many other such cases have gone unreported due to the shame attached,” warned the study ‘Genocide in Kandhamal’ by the Human Rights Law Network. The legal action group in its study released before the end of 2008 – one of the first studies on the Kandhamal carnage and mayhem – expressed this fear after elaborating on the rape…

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FGM, an act of brutality

FGM is not just an act of Brutality, it is also one of Inhumanity. It is Stupidity, it is Sin. Sin is the Biggest and the Strongest word I use.

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The above words were what I had written as my own thoughts on the Re-blog. All these words are Additions, after 10 hours.

I had published this post at practically the same time as ‘Living in the moment.’ This post on FGM Proves that We Do Not live in the Moment. Because, that child’s picture got a whole 10 likes, and this one on FGM, None.

Are We Sure We know what FGM is? Years ago, I had read an article on this in the Reader’s Digest. FGM is not just cutting around the Clitoris. It is also Sewing up the Entrance to the Vagina, sometimes so much that just a Matchstick could enter into it, to enhance the ‘male’s’ pleasure. 

This horrible, so called ‘cultural’ practice does not only pose threats of Infection for the women, it is a matter of LIFE LONG, SEVERE PAIN. I have read that even passing Urine is a painful act for those who have had to undergo FGM.

IF We live in the moment, IF We are Concerned Human beings, We should show our Support for those our Suffering Sisters and Daughters by getting Involved in the Discussion.

Just Bliss

 (Pokot girls run from their hut and make their way to a place where they will take off their clothes and wash during their circumcision ceremony)

1415872922666_wps_89_Pokot_girls_run_from_thei1415872960725_wps_93_A_Pokot_woman_holds_a_raz

(A Pokot woman holds a razor blade after performing a circumcision on four girls. Practitioners use anything from broken glass to scissors)

Even though the brutal practice of FGM is now illegal in the country in many African tribes, traditions are more important than laws and circumcision is considered a rite of passage that marks their transition into womanhood so they can marry.

Reuter’s photographer Siegfried Modola captured the ceremony in rural Kenya for four teenage girls of the Pokot tribe, in Baringo County.

Draped in animal skin and covered in white paint, the girls squat over large stones in the remote village after being circumcised – a life-threatening custom banned in the country three years ago.

More than a quarter of Kenyan women…

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